My Daughter Spoke Words of Grace

I’m an adoption writer. As an adoptee and mama-by-adoption, it’s a subject I know well. I also write on topics of faith and forgiveness, gratitude and God.

I’m a Christian. I love mercy. I get up every, single day with the prayer that my life would be an example of justice and of fairness toward others.

My faith doesn’t make me perfect—far from it—and it doesn’t make me immune to mistakes, heartbreaks, or setback. My faith gives me hope and a confidence that through the ups and downs of this life, God is near.

And so, when I took a few precious moments today to sit quietly in prayer, I was deeply moved when my little girl (who I didn’t realize had come into the room) snuggled up on the couch and said these words:

“Mama, I’m so glad that you love God. I’m so grateful that you are a Believer.”

My eyes teared up. My daughter’s words were pure and spoken from a most tender place within her soul. She leaned over and kissed me on the top of my head. I placed my hand on my girl’s heart and she placed hers on mine. We went on to talk about a host of things including, forgiveness, love, and adoption.

I told Evi that I might not always have answers to her questions about adoption but that God holds every answer. I reminded her that God’s answers come in His time and not in ours. I encouraged her to hold on and to have faith as she moves through the years of her life, as an adoptee.

I’ve learned along my own journey of adoption that answers can appear when we least expect them to, and always—it seems—when we’re best equipped to handle them. That’s grace. Trusting that God knows what is best—that’s faith.

Trusting does not come easy for the adoptee, I’ll admit.

I have pushed for answers in my life. I have fought to uncover hidden stories and truths. I have pushed until the point of exhaustion. All of it was rooted in anger and fear. I was angry over being abandoned and fearful that I would be left again. I thought that I was owed answers and was deserving of explanations. Boxing gloves were on. I was ready for the fight.

Yet, faith and belief have turned those false thoughts around. I wasn’t owed anything. What I needed was to receive the peace that only God can provide. I needed an enduring love to pick me up off of the ground and make me whole again.

Spiritual endurance is a gift—one that I work on minute-by-minute—and one I’m grateful to share with my daughter.

“I’m so glad that you love God, too. I’m so grateful that you are a Believer, Eviana.”

It has been my greatest revelation to know that I am a new creation in God. It’s been my greatest honor to share this truth with my girl. These tender moments of faith-filled conversation between me and Evi are some of the most treasured moments of my life.

We connect beyond the mother and daughter relationship. We’re sisters-in-Christ. That’s the Holy Spirit at work, overflowing between us.

This faith I write of enables me, as an adoptee, to look back on my life with gratitude for every second of the journey. As hard as life can be, and often is, there is no way that gratitude could be alive and well within me, if not for God.

And, my daughter is watching. She’s 8-years old and doesn’t miss a thing. She watches how I move through situations, through difficulties, and how I begin and end each and every day in reverence to the One who makes all things possible. My daughter sees that her mommy is grateful.

Religion has divided countries and people, it has started many a war. I don’t write of religion. That’s man-made.

I write of faith and of feeling. I write of relationship and of a connection to something bigger than me, greater than me.

I write of a great love that crashes through borders and kicks down walls to find me…

To find you.

To find us.

That’s God-made.

That’s unconditional love.

That’s God.

And, that’s adoption.

Onward,

 

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7 thoughts on “My Daughter Spoke Words of Grace

  1. Did you search, find & meet your
    first mother? Have you helped your daughter to have a relationship with her mother?
    I’m a birth/first mother and also an adoptive mother. We are all in reunion.
    I’d be interested learning more about your own adoption & your daughters

    1. Hello Kathleen. Thank you for your comment and questions. I write openly about reuniting with my birth/first mother. We reunited while I was in my teens. My daughter has not been in reunion yet. We pray for information that might lead us to her birth mother and birth family. I hope that reunion for everyone in your family is welcomed and celebrated. It’s a gift to be able to find one another again. With love, Michelle

  2. Thank you for your response Michelle. Yes, we are still in reunion, although neither was easy. Forty miles of bumpy road.!
    It took the son I surrendered some years to connect with me
    But that was many years ago &
    after he & his wife had 2 children
    we continued to meet. He had much difficulty telling his parents but it was his 7 yr old daughter who prompted the truth & eventually the children knew my real identity & even spent a week with me each summer. It also took the son I raised a long time to meet his mother. I continually suggested he search until finally we found the information. I then gave him a plane ticket to go to meet his entire family of origin. They asked me to come also but I said
    no, because this was his journey & I didn’t want him to be concerned about my feelings if they hugged etc.
    My son I surrendered is now 53 &
    my son I adopted is 41.

  3. God has given you such a gift of writing. And I am blessed beyond measure that you are sharing your story. It is giving light into dark places and is helping me on my journey as I parent my daughter. (I am a mama-by-adoption as well.) Thank you for fulfilling the calling God has given you.

    1. Thank you, Jayme. I’m very grateful for your words. They truly lift me up as I sit here and work on writing a new book. Word-by-word, step-by-step, we keep moving forward on this journey together!! ~Michelle

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