A Letter of Love and Empowerment for Adoptees

This week has been a week of powerful connections. I’ve connected with incredible people doing the work of adoption awareness in Colorado, Australia, New Zealand, and beyond.

I’ve linked with adoptees who are brave and courageous, taking on the journey of finding themselves. Facing the fear of rejection and disappointment. Walking through that fear.

It’s a long and difficult walk. Adoptees have, for far too long, been told what to think, feel, and believe. We’ve been silenced, judged, and misunderstood. Adoptees are a population of people who have had basic rights taken from them: the right to freedom of information, the right to dignity of identity, and the right to know their full story—their history.

A life is shifted, removed, re-directed, left upside down, and society has offered up this advice: don’t feel, don’t say a word, don’t scream, don’t cry—just stay quiet. Don’t ask about your past or what happened to those who are no longer here. They are gone. No need to linger in what no longer is. Be grateful. Move on.

There are many well-meaning people who advocate on the adoptee’s behalf. All too often, though, these same individuals aren’t fluent in what it means to be an adoptee. They haven’t lived in that skin. They’re not adopted. They hold compassion and empathy, and for that I’m grateful. Only, adoptees speak a special language—something unique has been coded into our very DNA.

We feel each other’s stories on a visceral level—not from a place of intellect. No, what we feel from each other is instinctual. It’s primal. We are pilgrims on a long migration, turning ourselves inside out in order to find our way home.

That home may be five-thousand miles away or it may be much closer—waiting within us. The pilgrimage is real, however. For every adoptee, there is a wandering and a wondering.

I have wandered thousands of miles to find me. I have wondered, with eyes wide-open in the pitch dark of night, who I am. I have asked myself and my God why a part of me must lie dormant in order to stay safe—living as half a person while desperately wanting to be whole.

Wholeness is the adoptee’s birthright. Learning to ask for wholeness is our lesson in life. Understanding that we can—we must—ask for what we need. And, knowing that we are worthy of receiving it. All of it.

This year, for me, is about more connection. I need to speak the language of adoption with those who also speak it fluently. I desire kinship with adoptees on a wider, deeper, and more intrinsic level.

I’m calling out to you, dear adoptee.

Can you hear me?

If we’re to bring about impactful change in the area of adoption—if we’re to be true change makers—it will take the adoptee’s voice. Each and every voice. No matter our perspective. No matter our experience.

It’s time to take back our power. Time to lead. Not with anger but with forgiveness. Not with pity but with promise. Not with judgment but with understanding.

We can’t live as half of a people anymore. Our stories are too important for that. We come with a full story, beginning at chapter one. We hold a wealth of wisdom and it’s time to shine a light on the knowledge we possess. We are more powerful than we may think. More powerful than we’ve been told…

To be free takes courage and a will to be responsible to ourselves.

Where are you hurting, dear adoptee? What space needs to be filled? What facts needs to be uncovered? What identity needs to be claimed? What history needs to be revealed?

We can seek these truths together. We can become stronger together. Hand-in-hand, we can support one another in this way. We are pilgrims seeking freedom. We are freedom seekers.

So, this is my love letter to you, dear adoptee. It’s 5 o’clock in the morning and I’m writing to you. Here, in the silence of my room. Here, alone in the dark, but more in the light than I’ve ever been before.

I’m calling out.

We are powerful. Let’s stand up.

We have a voice. Let’s use it.

We have wisdom. Let’s share it.

We’re needed. Let’s unite.

We don’t need anyone to speak for us. We need everyone to listen to us.

Where do we begin?

We begin by sharing our stories. We start by being real. We transform our lives when we’re willing to take the risk and reveal ourselves as we are.

What’s the story you need to share? What freedom do you seek?

Dear, adoptee.

Reach out to me. I’m here.






Adoptee Empowerment Coaching

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