The Need for Authenticity in Adoption

Recently, I was posed a question on Instagram from Naomi Quick @livingout127. She asked, “As an adoptee and adoptive mom, do you ever find it challenging to hold in tandem the beauty and brokenness surrounding adoption?”

The answer is, “Yes, Naomi, I do.”

As an adoptee, it’s been difficult to see a beauty in the broken pieces of my story. It’s been challenging not to identify myself as those broken pieces. Being adopted can be confusing when so many around you say, “just be grateful.” Gratitude is hard to arrive at when it’s surrounded by unspoken grief.

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Adoption and A Bigger Picture

Adoption, as both an international adoptee and mom-by-international adoption, has framed so much of how I see the world around me. This framing has architected within me a deep and profound compassion and empathy for those who hurt and are alone. When I was a kid, I remember that I’d be completely shattered at the thought of an animal who was lost and afraid. Pictures of orphaned children left me trembling in tears. Even my plushy stuffed toys, in my earliest of beliefs, had feelings and emotions that needed protecting.

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Adoptees and the Journey of Finding Belonging

I openly welcome questions by individuals in our community of adoption and foster care who ask about my experiences as an international adoptee.

Questions of how those experiences have formed my identity, directed my relationships, and shaped my view of the world around me.

Recently, I was posed three meaningful questions to explore, which I will do in my next three blogposts. The first question is from Oleg Lougheed, international adoptee and founder of Overcoming Odds.

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Adoptees, Let’s Get to the Wound

I used to avoid talking about my adoption. It was the last thing I wanted to share. I’m not sure why because the fact that I was adopted was evident. People could clearly see that I was not biologically related to my family members.

I used to avoid talking about my adoption. It was the last thing I wanted to share. I’m not sure why because the fact that I was adopted was evident. People could clearly see that I was not biologically related to my family members.

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Motherhood: Letting Go Is Hard

It’s Spring Break 2019. I’m spending the first two days of the break in Los Angeles, touring universities with my High School Junior. I have to tell you that as excited as I am for my son, this is heart-wrenching for me, his mama.

Where did the time go? I mean, really, where did it go? It seems like yesterday when I was holding my guy in my arms and dreaming about all the precious years ahead of us. I know, I know—we still have more time in high school and—God willing—many more years as mother and son.

Yet, as I watched him walk around the UCLA campus, during our tour, I couldn’t help but choke back tears. It’s an emotional time for any mother. Certainly, it is for this one.

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The Adoptee Tipping Point: Rising Up and Educating Future Generations

I traveled the country this past week, from coast to coast, to speak on behalf of people who are living the adoption and foster care experience. Sharing my own story, as an adoptee, and the wisdom I’ve learned along the way. It was a true honor to connect with so many amazing hearts.

I was encouraged to see adoptees rising up to share their personal viewpoints and their journeys. This is critical! Without adoptee voices, this adoption and foster care community is not fully represented.

I was equally encouraged to witness so many professionals, who work in the field of adoption and foster care, ready to listen and to hear the adoptee perspective. It struck me just how much they need adoptees to open up and bear light to what has, historically, been held in the dark.

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From Pain to Power: Transforming Your Relationship with Adoption

Adoption is hard. It’s so very hard. And, it’s beautiful. Adoption is heartbreakingly beautiful.

I understand the complexities of adoption.

I’ve lived them.

I live them.

Adoption never leaves you. For the adoptee, it’s a journey that spans a lifetime. Being adopted is an experience we didn’t ask for, or even cause. There are real and raw moments when it seems that the pain and confusion of adoption cannot be overcome. Asking why, often times, seems pointless when answers are hard to find. Adoption can seem unfair. Unjust. Adoption can hurt. You may wonder if you’ll ever move beyond the disempowering feelings.

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Dear Tom Brokaw, Why Does My Family Offend You?

I watched, this morning, the comments of Tom Brokaw on yesterday’s NBC broadcast, Meet the Press. Quite frankly, I am sickened. Let me preface my thoughts by saying that I try hard not to delve deeply into politics. The state of our government, currently, is not one I care to argue with people about. I have my beliefs, I know my values. I will always do and vote in alignment with what is core and foundational within me. I can’t change anyone else.

Mr. Brokaw’s comments, however, felt like a direct punch to the gut. As I get up off of the floor and catch my breath, I know that I cannot go silently through the day. There’s too much at stake here. And, I wonder why Mr. Brokaw and so many other Americans fear families like mine. In their closed off social corners, I wonder why families like mine offend them so.

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A Letter of Love and Empowerment for Adoptees

This week has been a week of powerful connections. I’ve connected with incredible people doing the work of adoption awareness in Colorado, Australia, New Zealand, and beyond.

I’ve linked with adoptees who are brave and courageous, taking on the journey of finding themselves. Facing the fear of rejection and disappointment. Walking through that fear.

It’s a long and difficult walk. Adoptees have, for far too long, been told what to think, feel, and believe. We’ve been silenced, judged, and misunderstood. Adoptees are a population of people who have had basic rights taken from them: the right to freedom of information, the right to dignity of identity, and the right to know their full story—their history.

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Loving More in 2019

Will I love more kinds of people than ever before in 2019? This question was posed in my church on Sunday. I sat in my seat, closed my eyes, and focused in. Will I love more kinds of people…? It was a question of diversity. Surely my life is filled with a diverse kind of love, I thought to myself. After all, family diversity and far-reaching inclusivity are my topics of passion.

I’m an international adoptee, mom-by-international adoption, and believer in the power of embracing difference. I think we should, as my church community says, love everyone always.

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