We sat in front of him, listening to the statistics of why we had a very low chance of conceiving on our own. All we could do was smile. That was it. It was the permission slip we were waiting for. The green light from a fertility doctor, giving us permission to pursue adoption. He gave us the facts about our treatment options and instead, we drove down the street and sat in on an adoption meeting for new adoptive families. Adoption had been on our hearts all along, yet we felt like we had to try everything else first. Like society expected that from us. Like we couldn’t announce our plans to adopt until we had exhausted every other measure. Like adoption was our Plan B.
But the truth is, it wasn’t. It was what we wanted for the growth of our family from the start. It was an ache that the Lord placed on both of hearts from the beginning, yet we listened to the lies that told us we had to try everything else first. For the longest time, I mourned the years I felt we “wasted” waiting for our permission slip, but I see now that the Lord was simply using that time to prepare the most beautiful story that would take three more years to create.
Flash forward three whole years since that first adoption meeting. After many tears, many “not nows”, many slammed doors, and many moments of feeling like we should quit, we were finally awaiting the arrival of our daughter. We had been chosen by the sweetest, most selfless expectant mother to share the joy in raising her child.
Today, looking at our perfect girl, I can’t help but think we could have missed this. We could have let the lies that said we didn’t do enough or wait long enough to hold us back. We could have continued to wait for that permission slip. We could have let all of this goodness slip right out of the cracks. Simply because we thought that was what was expected.
Adoption was always our Plan A. It was always our heart’s desire. It was always what the Lord had for our family. To this day, the beauty that the Lord has somehow knit in something as broken and beautiful as adoption, will never cease to amaze me.
Our daughter has the eyes, smile, and infectious laughter of her sweet birth mother, and she also has my light and bubbly spirit. She is sassy in all the best ways, just like her birth mom and is sweet and tender like my husband. She is equal parts of all three of us and that can only be orchestrated by the one who gives such perfect gifts.
It is such a joy to see her birth mother’s face when I look at my daughter, and an even bigger honor to witness my personality shine through when I watch her interact with others.
Adoption is a perfect representation of the gospel here on earth as our two families learn to become one. I just can’t grasp what I’ve ever done to be chosen as the one she’ll forever call, Mama.
If the thought of adoption or foster care has ever pulled on your heart strings, if it’s something you always wished you could pursue, if loving a child enough for the both of you is something you’ve long desired, please don’t wait for permission. There is no slip, no green light, only now. You need no excuse.
Mallory Sechler is a former public educator, turned writer and oil slinger. She now works from home as a copywriter for two different social media companies along with leading a team of 800 oilers with her Young Living Essential Oils business. She is married to the kindest soul you’ll ever meet, Joshua, and together they live on his family farm with their sweet daughter, Audia. You can find Mallory on Instagram at @forwearesaltandlight where she talks more about her love for adoption, Jesus, and any crafty!